California

Here's the thing: I learned, after many years, to tolerate and even accept my step-father. I never knew him as a father, or thought of him that way. He did great things for the family and for my mom, and for that I'm grateful. While my brothers, Jake's step-sons, loved him like sons, I never loved him like a daughter. I went home for the funeral for my mom. If not for mom, I would not have gone. There's a long story behind this, but I won't go into it here.

The funeral, which took place on Saturday, Sep. 5, was okay, as funerals go. Jake had an open casket and did not look like Jake, until you got farther away and looked at his profile. The mortician was not given any photos to work with, so he/she had no real idea what Jake looked like. So here's a tip: always provide the mortician with photos of the deceased. Take some photos of yourself, close up, from several angles, and put them where your next of kin can find them when the time comes. That is, if you plan to have an open casket.

Jake was not buried until Tuesday, Sep. 8, because he had a military burial and the veterans cemetery was closed over the long weekend. It was a nice ceremony. The VFW provided an honor guard and a chaplain, the Army provided pall bearers and a bugler who played taps live. (This is rare these days.) The ceremony was held away from the actual gravesite, and we did not get to stay to visit the grave after the burial. (It would have been a few hours of waiting, and we had a two-hour drive since the cemetery was not close to mom's home. Also, I had to catch a flight that evening to get back to Texas.)

So Jake was respectfully remembered and buried. The funeral was attended by all his children and step-children, who all had to travel to get to California. It was great that they could be there. Fortunately, everyone had seen Jake not too exceptionally long before he passed away and had those memories.

Something happened for me while I was in California. I began a close relationship with a man I've actually known for many years, as he is a family friend/acquaintance, but who I didn't "notice" until last year, when I went home for my youngest brother's (Charlie's) funeral. I'm not going to go into that here, either. Suffice to say that there is now a man in my life where there has not been a man for twelve years. It may be nothing. It may be something. We'll see. He is, after all, still in California!

Back in Texas

I got home this morning from attending the funeral and burial in California. I'll blog about it when I have more time. Right now I want to say that I have very, very hard water here in central Texas. My mom's house has soft water. While I was out there my hair never looked better. I must get a water softener!

Another Death in the Family

My step-father passed away yesterday morning. It wasn't entirely unexpected as he had broken his neck a couple months ago and, although he was recuperating, he wasn't doing very well. He was in a nursing home. He finally got that "halo" thing off his head when his blood pressure went way down. He was taken to a hospital and stabilized. He was in the process of getting permission from his doctor to go home because he wasn't expected to live much longer, and he didn't want to die in the hospital. Before they could get permission, he slipped away. My mom was with him.

He had been miserable with the halo on and the tubes sticking in him. He kept pulling his catheter out so they had to put him in diapers. Then he didn't get that he could go pee in the diaper whenever he needed to. I don't blame him for any of that. How miserable we'd all be in that situation. If only he could have hung on for a few more days.

I'll be flying out to California for the funeral this weekend. I'm concerned mostly for my mom. A little over a year ago, you might recall, my youngest brother - mom's youngest son - died. Now her husband of 40+ years has passed away. My brothers and I will no doubt be discussing what to do next. Mom is hard-headed and I'm sure she won't want to leave her home. But she'll be living alone if she doesn't, and she's getting older. We'd all be happier if she had someone to watch out for her. I'd love to move out there with her, but I have the dogs and cats to worry about. We'll think of something.

People Make Me Sick

Why? Here's why.